That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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