i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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