Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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