u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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