I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
