Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
