so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
