Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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