thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
