You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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