I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
