He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Drunk is not a location!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
