I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
