And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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