absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
