I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
