i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
