Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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