I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
