I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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