M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the day after is always just damage control
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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