I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
