How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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