i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
