Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
