kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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