So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
