dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
