I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
