Having a random hookup so left but love u
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
