I want to stick my p in your. b.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
