Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
