How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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