how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
