I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
