I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
