Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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