brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
