doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
