just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
