How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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