There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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