p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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