If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
