I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
