You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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