I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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