The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
