Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
