Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't deserve a penis
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
