thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
