I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
