god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
