No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
