She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Mom said you looked used
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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