is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
