wake up i wanna do it froggy style
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
