Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it's great music for shaving your balls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
