My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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