i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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