I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
