Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
