So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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