how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
