why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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