If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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