He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
smell my finger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
